Over on Reddit (/r/MGTOW) we have a prime example of why:
Career Advancement as the Anti-Family Man
Where a man is asking for advice in dealing with trying to get ahead as a medical student while remaining a MGTOW and not getting punished for it by those around him:
Does anyone out there have any advice or perspective on career advancement in a field dominated by family-centric individuals? I know that there are men here who came around to MGTOW later in life, so I am also interested to know what you thought of subordinates like us.
I am a medical student and have come to find that medicine is an even more conservative field than I had expected. I have observed that the vast majority of medical students allow their lives to be dictated by what they "should" be doing. They go to medical school because their parents want them to and a career in medicine provides reliable financial security and prestige. Once in medical school, the average student's march along the straight and narrow continues as their marriage clock goes off. The need to settle down among this group is more palpable than I have ever seen in a group of educated young people. As you can probably imagine, my classmates seem to view me with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. Even before I had the MGTOW label to put on my personal philosophy, I quickly learned that it was best kept to myself.
Given the attitude of my classmates, I can only imagine what doctors from the older generations must think of a man in his late 20s who is happy without a significant other. While I am almost certainly going to choose a medical specialty that complements a MGTOW lifestyle, I still have a few more hoops to jump through that will require the trust and respect of older doctors. As comfortable as I am in my own skin, I cannot help but be concerned that my evident lack of interest in life as a "family man" will hinder my career. For example, I have been told that in residency interviews, "tell me a little about yourself" is code for "are you married and do you have children" since they technically are not allowed to ask those questions.This man is in a prime situation, going his own way, yet recognizes the suspicion that not being seen as conforming to the herd's expectations is likely to raise in his classmates and workmates. Thankfully one of the commentors pulls out an excellent bit of camoflage - one that I've used myself in many situations:
Blackest_Knight: Whenever I am asked about my marital status I mock women by using one of their very own excuses: "I just haven't found The One"This is priceless. Inwardly you are mocking them, outwardly concealing yourself with the bland pap exterior that they expect of some unaware man. This soothes the alarm-bells which would otherwise go off in their head.
Best of all, you can shroud yourself in the socially-acceptable sayings of the Herd, like not managing to find The One and similar bullshit. Hell, you can date - even let them set you up with fellow-girls - only to look at them a couple of months later with a puzzled-and-sad expression as you say: "You know, I don't think you're The One for me. Pity, I kinda like you."
A socially-acceptable cutting-off-at-the-knees, one she can't really argue with. That none of 'em can. After all, they wouldn't want to get with someone who isn't The One - they'd by definition be going with second-best and no way are they gonna do that.
Hide your self. That stuff is private, none of their business. Despite what their entitled little twat mindset might delude them into believing, you don't owe them shit.
Or, he could show up to whatever job interviews wearing a ring. If they are persistent in still asking marital status, he could then say he is recently divorced, wife took everything and he lives with his parents.ReplyDelete
A possibility and some people do that. I think I may have posted about it before, I have seen your suggestion out there somewhere. It is a viable option. After thinking about it I do not favor that strategy because we are then heading into potentially messy territory: explaining. (Plus getting caught out.)Delete
When it comes to divorce, women want all the gossip possible about what happened. So they can dispense with their shit-tastic fabulous advice, point out all the places you went wrong, all those lovely little digs that they enjoy putting out plausibly-deniably ("I didn't mean it like that!"). Then they can also feel virtuous that they've "helped" you (in the process of sticking the knife in, another self-lie), that they are not like the loser who dumped you (and thanking God for not getting involved with a loser like you who can't even keep a woman), etc etc etc.
In the process you're having to come out with further lies to support that one lie (get caught out), perhaps become uncommunicative or say you don't want to talk about it (labelled as sullen and the like), telling them it's none of their business (labelled as rude and the like). Which is okay-ish if you don't care about what happens socially - however it doesn't sound like a great idea in the medical arena.
Where if instead you are saying that you couldn't find The One - you are implicitly stating that your standards are high, plus she (the questioner) doesn't meet them (if she's single). It's a twofer for you. It's simple, it's easy, it goes straight into the hindbrain of the herdthink and doesn't require any further explanation at all. (Unless she's really fuckin' thick and socially clueless.)
I'm open to other ideas of course. That's simply my reasoning. As always, each to whichever they prefer: nothing is a one-size-fits-all solution.