After conversing with some feminists yesterday, they have helped me to realize I am in an abusive relationship. In order to help other women determine if they are too, I have constructed this helpful “10 Reasons You May Be in an Abusive Relationship” list. Please feel free to send it to all your female acquaintances so we can stop the following terrible abuses:
1. Has your partner taken you out and paid for dinner at least once in the past week? If not, you may be in an abusive relationship.
2. Has your partner compromised his integrity in order to satisfy your feminist family matriarch? If not, you may be in an abusive relationship.
3. When your partner proposed, did he get down on one knee to show his deference to your higher sexual market value? If not, you may be in an abusive relationship.
4. Does your partner work over one hundred hours a week to keep you in the latest fashions, newest cars, and biggest houses? If not, you may be in an abusive relationship.
5. Does your partner encourage you to stay in shape and eat healthily? If so, you may be in an abusive relationship.
6. Does your partner require you to be responsible for your own actions and expect you to act like an adult? If so, you may be in an abusive relationship.
7. Do you find yourself singing as you go about your chores…wait a minute. You’re not doing chores, are you?!?! If so, you are DEFINITELY in an abusive relationship.
8. If you have trouble holding back how happy you are because it annoys other people, you may be in an abusive relationship.
9. Is your partner a millionaire? If not, you may be in an abusive relationship.
10. And, finally, does your partner have reasonable expectations for himself, you, and your relationship? If so, you may be in an abusive relationship.
I find myself unsure of how to proceed at this point. I love my husband. But, he didn’t put the potholder back in the drawer today. I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.I do enjoy a good satire!