The Bonsai

Pretentious stuff in response to Stingray, on Rollo's blog:

@Stingray - this is gonna be long-winded and probably will hair off into nowhere relevant, yet here goes:

I had a discussion with some F-type women once, where I stated that it seemed they (Feelers) did not trust their emotions. (This was regarding xxFx in the MBTI/Cognitive Fuctions context.) It seemed that they sought safety/reassurance from others that their feelings were in fact the correct way to go - an expression of group-/herd-think.

They said that I was 100% correct and one of them said words to the effect that she absolutely hated being apparently flighty and at the mercy of these emotions. This might be why women seem quite attracted to the strong, silent types (ISTJs especially) - they're a mountain that can't easily be moved. (One of Roissy's maxims.)

Given the anonymousness of modern city living - often well away from where they grew up - modern women are effectively cut off from the wisdom of their elders, mothers and grandmothers. Thus they have to form "bonds" with other females of their own age - females who are competition.

So where their mothers and grandmothers may once have said: "Look at X, he's actually showing signs of being a worthwhile man-to-be." These women no longer have the benefit of those years of wisdom and experience, plus now relying on their sexual/life competitors for advice as to what to do regarding boys.

Further those sexual/life competitors don't have that much experience themselves (other than with bad boys). What was once a tremendously experienced support-network has been replaced by mediocre advice from a committee who has no stake in a good outcome for their little girl. Plus the members being in direct competition - can we say "conflict of interest".

We are no longer taught that it is very much a wife’s job to help her husband stay alpha and grow in his masculinity. Yep. Because of various conditioning, women want what they want right now. Consumer culture, Princess mentality, Feminism's you can have your cake and eat it too, laziness - all contribute to this.

Women want their Alpha, fully-fledged and bred from the bone, right now.

Women these days don't want to patiently grow their own bonsai, they want it handed to them on a plate. Effortless. Totally strings-free. Never mind that it's a living, breathing organism - that the tree takes 10+ years of growth and tending simply to get started. Never mind that it also requires constant and ongoing nurturing or it will die.

It doesn't seem that women have been taught the fine art of bonsai. No matter how you twist, bend, tie, adjust the shade and light - it will grow in its own pattern. And smile gently to you, amused, as if to say: You should have expected this. Thus becoming more attractive to you because you can't bend it absolutely to your will.

There is a paradox there as well. If we do help him, he becomes more attractive to us and very often a better provider at the same time. But the fear is that if our encouragement makes him too attractive, he will leave us for a younger and more beautiful woman. It’s almost like we can dread ourselves.

Not almost like. You do dread yourselves. The existential fear of women: to be replaced by a newer model, hotter-younger-tighter-still fertile. To be left on the scrap-heap of humanity. Growing old, alone, unloved, with cats. The go-to trope of the bitter and twisted men of the Manosphere.

This used to be the job of your mothers and grandmothers: to make sure that this didn't happen. We know what happened to that support-network. We know the warped and ill-fitting crutches which have replaced it. Women have truly crippled themselves.

This fear is well-grounded these days. When the bonsai is handed over on a plate to someone with no effort or skill (no skin in the game) then it is easily mishandled or killed. Hitting with a stick won't get far, it's a tree - it'll go dormant until it either dies or the abuse stops.

There are plenty of thoughtless types who want that bonsai too: younger, hotter, tighter thoughtless types. It probably won't go to a new owner so long as it is treated well - yet women will never be able to be sure. Because they didn't tend it from its beginnings, they cannot be truly considered to be its owner.

In cases of extreme abuse, the bonsai might tend itself - and share itself amongst other prospective "owners". It being its own owner.

These "owners" don't realise that they aren't being handed the bonsai on a plate: they're being tested to determine if they are fit for purpose. There are definite hawsers attached to that "ownership" which can be triggered by a myriad of things.

Said testing may take years for those better-qualified to be an owner. The right owner may never be found. Even so the bonsai will continue to grow and thrive.

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Edit: Notice the mindset of qualifying to the woman, still. Trying to find the "right one", still. Sad.