When I say pretty, I mean about a 7 - NZ girls aren't the hottest in the world.
She's not really that interesting, tosses me a few IOI's. The interaction is going well. I head off to the loo and thinking while tinkling. I realise that I've reverted to Beta supplicating bullshit coupled with a bit of PUA mindset.
Fuck my life. Disgusted with myself.
Done, head back, tell my mate that I'm off and give her a farewell nod (more supplication, grief). I think that she might have been a little stunned/surprised, not sure. Was too pissed off with myself to pay much attention. If my mate gets her, more power to him.
So, 44 years of conditioning, still going fucking strong. Some 2+ years of reprogramming still hasn't gotten all that bullshit outta my head yet. By far.
Every now and then you're gonna slip. When you realise that you've slipped, well, that's the dumbass bullshit moment that makes you cringe inside.
When you thought you were doing well,can see the light at the end of the tunnel, fuuuuck.