Friday 15 May 2015

Define Your Honor and Self

On my post about what marriage is for, commentor Anonymous said: "Today a man can only fight for his own honor. MGTOW is the new paradigm for men."

I must agree.

Which brings up an interesting point: many times, others use a Man's honor as a handle to move him.

Women and children first - the Concordia showed the popular paradigm-change there.

Get a woman knocked up, you marry her - these days you're generally not wanted by her anyway, though in many cases she's happy to put her hand into your wallet and take what she can.

Mistakes suck. Some mistakes make your life suck completely and for a very long time. Which is why the Men's wisdom that we try to pass on, out here in these wastelands of the interwebs.

Am I saying to not have honor? No.

What I'm saying is to look hard at what is your personal honor - and to not let others use your honor as a handle to move you.

This is what manipulative shaming tactics appear to target predominantly in men: their honor. "A real man would...", "Man up and...", et-fucking-cetera. The public perceptions of "what a man is". This is a liberty which far too many people (especially women) just reach out and take - when they do not have the right.

In the old days there was strong justification for it. It gave a moral structure to follow which helped people to grow, also to support civilization and society. These days, where women have dismantled the mechanisms for shaming towards women: we Men need to follow suit and dismantle some of the mechanisms for shaming men as well.

Here are some potential ways to do this:

1/ Realize that nobody - nobody! - has the right to shame you. Not women. Not men.

2/ Realize that any attempt to shame you is a form of manipulation for the benefit of the shamer. This might be as seemingly-simple as making them "feel good" (because they can control you) right up to extracting resources from you (your time or directly from your wallet).

3/ Realize that much of what is considered "honorable" for men is outright designed to give somebody a handle on you.

4/ Realize that you are at liberty to remove whichever of these handles you please.

5/ Realize that some of these handles are worthwhile - when they involve the mutual exchange of honor and respect between two parties (usually two Men, potentially between a Man and his Wife).

6/ Realize that some of these handles are worthwhile - because they also contribute to civilization and society.

So. Yes, you are free to become what society considers to be completely honorless scum. Am I advocating that? No. Some honor is required to function in this decaying civilization and society that we live in. In my eyes, honor and its attendant respect is definitely worthwhile between Men.

Be aware that the prior paragraph is effectively a shaming tactic. You are free to understand that and reject it utterly. Own your choice though, be responsible for it, accept any consequences that might come your way from your choices. Be aware that you will probably be considered as "honorless as a woman". (Yes, writing that lot is yet another shaming tactic on my part.)

On the whole, it seems to me that much of becoming a Man - of whatever stripe, MGTOW or MRA or PUA or something completely different - is defining for yourself what is your personal code of honor. From that comes what behaviors towards you are acceptable. What behaviors towards others are acceptable. Finally, what behaviors of yours are required to get along in life.

These are hard and often painful decisions - should you choose to walk down that path. Or you can continue to accept the "default" definitions which have been foisted on you through a lifetime of training by civilization and society, whether good or bad for you personally.

Nobody else need be involved. Nobody else need know. Nobody else's approval is needed. It's totally your choice.


  1. That's true.

    The difference is, you seek your own code.....then show honour by sticking to it.

    The reason that women "have no honour" is that their own code changes constantly, and you cannot as a. An trust that.

    Hence the divorce epidemic.

    The reason I have been involved in the old northern ways and beliefs for over 16 years was because of their sense of honour and it motivated to formulate my own.

    When you make your own, and stick to it, you become trustworthy, powerful and honorable.

    Great post.

  2. ....just to add to your thoughts, I do believe that self determined male honour will underline MGTOW and the men's movement in the future.

    With a risk of wearing out the analogy, I think that lord Tyron, the dwarf from the game of thrones, should be the new poster boy for MGTOW.

    Why? He drinks, he's hedonistic etc etc... He determines his own code regardless of family and society, then he sticks to his honour code, and strangely he guarners a lot of loyalty for it.

    Also, in my years of study and practice in northern shamanism (bear with me just to illustrate a point), they say the great secret to all magic and power is ...... Honour, sticking to your code.

    The funny thing is academics are still trying to work out how the Vikings rose to power, and they underestimate their belief and reinforcement of a personal honour code.

    This subject has inspired me for the last five years, and I'm glad I baited you out of your semi retirement.

    1. Oddly enough it's part of what I've been thinking about anyway, off-and-on. Digging through un-answered comments brought it to the forefront of my mind.

    2. Tyrion Lannister? As long as tit-for-tat works with him....

  3. Has the resident troll at Bob's Wallace blog inspired you to write this post? She/he/it tries to milk this trick for more than it's worth.

    1. If you mean the drongo MGTOW Out, nah. I see that idiot and skip whatever they post.