Sunday 26 January 2014

Short Hair Nutjobs

Alright, everyone's getting onto the hair thing. I would normally not bother jumping on the bandwagon of short-haired-girl-bashing, however:

3/ I've experienced it myself

2/ it's true

1/ over the last couple weeks I've said to several girls that they need to grow their hair

In one case, I told a girl that she needs to grow it down to her butt. "But I like my hair short!" I don't care, grow your fucking hair. I should have told her to stop being a lazy cunt.

For the simple-minded, I shall put up a simple series of graphics to illustrate the concept:

Beyoncé - how could you!

Ginnifer Goodwin - tch tch.

Keiren Knightley - from bombshell to wha?!

You will note in all cases that "after" looks like a boy. No fucking way.

In fact I know a chick who looks exactly like the blah version of Keiren Knightley. I did not and will not fuck her, despite her hints. Besides looking androgynous, she was unbelievably fucked in the head.

I knew another chick who messed with her hair so bad that she supposedly killed it. As in, it no longer grows at all. While I am not sure if that's true - she's such a liar and attention-seeker that it could be complete bullshit - she is certainly as batshit crazy as they come. In addition to looking like a weird mix of sexy androgynous bull-dyke, she is pure evil and is the inspiration of an earlier post.

Natalie Dormer - looks like a deranged mix of boy and girl. Or a moulting fucking feral cat.

Nooooo fucking way!

However, here we have the coup de grace:

Cyrus and Beiber - to put it in girl-speak: "Eeeeeeewww!" There ain't much difference there. You could take horizontal stripes of both pictures and do a mashup, would be practically the same.

No. Just fucking no.

Now the interesting part is when you ask yourself what drives this bullshit craze for short hair amongst celebrities. The simple answer: fashion.

See, many of the "it" guys in fashion are gay/pedophile types. These are the ones who drive female fashion - who drive the look that is "in" - who attempt (possibly unconsciously) to shape what is sexy and sexually acceptable. (Nah fuck it, it's a conscious twisting of sexual mores.)

So if the "in" look is androgynous, then hey, you have a plausibly-deniable out for your pedophilic tendencies, dontcha. You're able to pass your boys off as ambiguous girl-type-things. Everybody else can go fuck themselves 'cause we don't care (narcissism, undeniably rife in the fashion industry - and anyway these motherfuckers ain't breeding so why should you).

So, you might wonder why I'm advising some girls to grow their hair. Like, I shouldn't give a shit, right? Wrong.

I'm hoping that by growing her hair, a woman will regain touch with her sexuality - her feminine side. At least for the slightly-less-than-crazy types. Chances of success are small - any girl who cuts her hair short is nuts on a deep level - yet it's worth making the attempt. What the fuck, not like there's any skin off my nose for fucking trying it.

Leave 'em better, if you can.

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