Crazy Girls

Every now and then you run across these types. They look basically normal and you wonder how come they're single - then they open their mouth and you realize it instantly. They're very, very common in the internet dating scene. These are the "open her mouth and bitch about everything on the first date" girls.

I had a mate last night try to hook me up with one of these. He invited me over, I'm in the kitchen dropping some beer in the fridge, he comes around the corner: "This one's tatted and has a nose-ring. You'll be in with a grin."

I'm instantly on my guard. Crazy chicks always come with very good warning-signs - over the years I've had enough experience to learn about 'em. Tats and a nose-ring is Defcon 3. Round the corner to the group with a beer and there she is:

Legs tatted (lots).

Arms tatted (lots).

Shoulders tatted (lots).

Septum-ring.

On the good side though:

Long hair.

Cute face (unfortunately marred by that nose-ring).

Then she opened her mouth.

It has been a while since I have been subjected to such a barrage of bitching, whinging, whining, man-bashing bullshit. Within 2 minutes I was thinking "definitely unfuckable".

Girls. If your life is so pathetic that you have to indulge in this crap, there's knives in the kitchen. Get one. Get a sharpie marker, go mark a dotted line along the middle of the wrist. Do the other wrist as well. Good, now there's no excuse to fuck things up. Cut along dotted lines.

While I do thank my mate for thinking of me, please, don't be thinking of me again. Or come up with a far better quality of girl.