You're boring!

"You're boring!"

"Fucking aye!"

The scene: a friend's 25th birthday.

The speaker: a 41-year-old girl that I fucked once, a couple of years ago.

The reason for the convo: I was leaving at 10pm (because I needed rest after an illness - which the girl knew).

Yup, I was being "boring" - I was leaving early, when she wanted me to stick around. Too bad girl, you already have a boyfriend - and I still would have left. My health is more important to me than cramming your pussy and mouth.

Guy is younger than her too - about 32. She has the psychological jump on him, has already made him get a real job. While she has no job at all, is still "looking for work". Can we say "standards too fucking high"? Though "lazy cunt" is more economical and accurate.

Yeah, she's grooming him for his future role as provider - while still looking at me as someone to fuck. In this situation, I'm the Alpha Fucks and he's the Beta Bucks. If she manages to con him into marriage, she'll still be looking for Alpha on the side. I think the marriage will happen. Poor bastard needs to get a clue.

Interesting thing about this girl, she once said to a group of us that she'd had sex with only a single guy in her life. Because she'd been married from age 17. Later she confessed to me that she'd had sex with several others...well, and hand jobs and blow-jobs, and a few assholes and onesies who just didn't count...

She wasn't a very good lay. A little too much sloppy belly for my taste, plus she was a smoker - could taste the ash when frenching her.

A little earlier in the night...

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

Question was from the 19-year-old daughter of the above woman. Incidentally, married to the guy whose birthday party it was. A couple years ago, this kid had started playing with my hair in a bar (she was 17 and under supervision of her mom) - most flattering and enjoyable. Well before her marriage, of course.

I fobbed her off because I'm not her husband, though I should probably have said: "No, your fat gut makes you look fat. Lose 5 kilos, sweetheart." Again, it appears that I am still in the Alpha Fucks category - at least in this situation.

Yet earlier in the night...

"Come over here, I'm going to grab your ass."

She came over and turned and I grabbed her ass. She had a giggle and smile for me.

Why did this happen? Another girl grabbed her ass and then tried to say it was me who did it. After trying to deny it, I swore and told her come over. "Goddamn it, if I'm gonna get in trouble for it, I'm gonna at least have the pleasure of grabbing your ass!" She giggled. After the ass-grabbing, I slowly and deliberately poked my tongue out at the girl who tried to say it was me. Troublemaker. She giggled too.

This one is living with a guy long-term, they're renting a house together. Her divorce has only recently come through. Again, it appears that I'm in the Alpha Fucks category - in this situation.

So yeah, I'm boring. Raise a glass to being boring. Fucking aye!