Have you ever played Russian Roulette?
Have you ever played Russian Roulette with three bullets, instead of one?
Getting married these days is a game of Russian Roulette with three bullets: a 50% chance of being "killed". Though "financially wounded" would be a better way of putting it. The degree varies depending upon what assets are available, whether you have children, etc etc. Be aware though: sometimes "killed" is the right word to use.
Some men get "financially wounded" to the point of being crippled for most of their prime working lives. Alimony/spousal support (a lie and con, considering that she's no longer your spouse) and child support (even if they're not your kids - and she can spend the money on booze and cocaine and trips overseas, you cannot control that).
So. Someone who treated you poorly (divorce) gets to suck away and waste the sweat and effort that should rightfully be yours, should rightfully be building up for your future, and the future of your children. Further, she gets default custody - and look around, there are plenty of men who have had their children lied to about them.
A massive con, eh. Keep her happy - or lose everything and be ruined for the next twenty years. Assuming that you can pay: if you can't, you go to jail. There's a whole new set of problems from Bubba to think about then.
But wait: let's say that you learn "game", and how to keep your woman in line in your marriage. Maybe that reduces the number of bullets in your gun. So now you have two, instead of three: a 33% chance of being "killed".
Still not very good odds, eh.
Or worse, perhaps you just aren't the type of personality to run "game" very well. Perhaps you never even heard of it - you're so naive that these things never even crossed your mind. Do you fancy playing Russian Roulette with four or five bullets?
Do you fancy remarrying afterwards - when the gun has another bullet for every divorce that she's been through?
Do you see much benefit for you in marriage? That's quite a risk, for a fairly mediocre or nasty return on investment (every drop of sweat and effort that you can produce for the duration - all past sweat and effort also). Not much sex in return for doing it either, since its known that sex drops off after marriage. This is for even more-than-ordinary guys - there's always someone better and more attractive out there.
You know, it might be better to just learn how to pick up women and fuck them. Even fucking a prostitute would be cheaper, plus a whole lot easier than chasing that damned fickle bitch sitting on the barstool beside you.
Thanks for the offer sweetheart. I'll pass. Maybe when the odds aren't so much against me, I will reconsider - for the RIGHT woman.
H/T to Ian Ironwood. While I agree with most things that I've read of his, I do not agree with this one (a first). Even so, I enjoyed the perspective. It is good to stretch the mind, think differently, examine the possibilities.
Anyone who goes into marriage needs to walk into it with his eyes wide open, wearing crap-coloured glasses, fully aware that his odds are very low of things being successful. Evaluate things on that basis and you just might be able to get through it with your hide generally intact.
Remember: succeed or fail, NOTHING is guaranteed forever in your life. It might be worth setting up something overseas, money-wise, to hedge your bets in case things go so badly that leaving the country is your best option. Consider it a form of diversifying your assets, as if you were investing in the stock market and housing and commodities: if one goes to shit, the others should go at least reasonably well, so that you don't lose everything.
Addendum: best wishes for you and your wife and family through these times, Ian. Reach out and make that difference.
Extra Addendum: would you buy a product which had a 50% failure rate?