Define Your Honor and Self

On my post about what marriage is for, commentor Anonymous said: "Today a man can only fight for his own honor. MGTOW is the new paradigm for men."

I must agree.

Which brings up an interesting point: many times, others use a Man's honor as a handle to move him.

Women and children first - the Concordia showed the popular paradigm-change there.

Get a woman knocked up, you marry her - these days you're generally not wanted by her anyway, though in many cases she's happy to put her hand into your wallet and take what she can.

Mistakes suck. Some mistakes make your life suck completely and for a very long time. Which is why the Men's wisdom that we try to pass on, out here in these wastelands of the interwebs.

Am I saying to not have honor? No.

What I'm saying is to look hard at what is your personal honor - and to not let others use your honor as a handle to move you.

This is what manipulative shaming tactics appear to target predominantly in men: their honor. "A real man would...", "Man up and...", et-fucking-cetera. The public perceptions of "what a man is". This is a liberty which far too many people (especially women) just reach out and take - when they do not have the right.

In the old days there was strong justification for it. It gave a moral structure to follow which helped people to grow, also to support civilization and society. These days, where women have dismantled the mechanisms for shaming towards women: we Men need to follow suit and dismantle some of the mechanisms for shaming men as well.

Here are some potential ways to do this:

1/ Realize that nobody - nobody! - has the right to shame you. Not women. Not men.

2/ Realize that any attempt to shame you is a form of manipulation for the benefit of the shamer. This might be as seemingly-simple as making them "feel good" (because they can control you) right up to extracting resources from you (your time or directly from your wallet).

3/ Realize that much of what is considered "honorable" for men is outright designed to give somebody a handle on you.

4/ Realize that you are at liberty to remove whichever of these handles you please.

5/ Realize that some of these handles are worthwhile - when they involve the mutual exchange of honor and respect between two parties (usually two Men, potentially between a Man and his Wife).

6/ Realize that some of these handles are worthwhile - because they also contribute to civilization and society.

So. Yes, you are free to become what society considers to be completely honorless scum. Am I advocating that? No. Some honor is required to function in this decaying civilization and society that we live in. In my eyes, honor and its attendant respect is definitely worthwhile between Men.

Be aware that the prior paragraph is effectively a shaming tactic. You are free to understand that and reject it utterly. Own your choice though, be responsible for it, accept any consequences that might come your way from your choices. Be aware that you will probably be considered as "honorless as a woman". (Yes, writing that lot is yet another shaming tactic on my part.)

On the whole, it seems to me that much of becoming a Man - of whatever stripe, MGTOW or MRA or PUA or something completely different - is defining for yourself what is your personal code of honor. From that comes what behaviors towards you are acceptable. What behaviors towards others are acceptable. Finally, what behaviors of yours are required to get along in life.

These are hard and often painful decisions - should you choose to walk down that path. Or you can continue to accept the "default" definitions which have been foisted on you through a lifetime of training by civilization and society, whether good or bad for you personally.

Nobody else need be involved. Nobody else need know. Nobody else's approval is needed. It's totally your choice.