1. How old are you?
under 25 years old: 0 points
26-34 years old: +1 point
35-45 years old: 0 points
45+ years old: -1 point
45+ = -1 point
2. How tall are you?
under 5’9″: -1 point
5’9″ to 5’11″: 0 points
6′ to 6’4″: +1 point
over 6’4″: 0 points
5'10" = 0 points
3. What is your BMI?
(Go here to calculate your BMI. I know BMI doesn’t account for very muscular physiques, but since most men are not Lee Haney, it is adequate for this survey’s purposes.)
under 20.0: -1 point
20.0 to 24.0: +1 point
24.1 to 27.0: 0 points
over 27.0: -1 point
Mayo Clinic says 28, muscle is such a bitch = -1 point
4. How much do you bench press?
60% or less of your body weight: -1 point
61% to 80% of your body weight: 0 points
81% to 170% of your body weight: +1 point
over 170% of your body weight: 0 points
90% = +1 point
5. What does your hairline look like?
Full head of hair if you are over 35: +1 point
Full head of hair if you are under 35: 0 points
Receding hairline if you are over 35: 0 points
Receding hairline if you are under 35: -1 point
Bald (age irrelevant): -1 point
Bald but you are dark-skinned: 0 points
Full head of hair = +1 point (I pity my brother)
6. How much money do you make?
under $40K and you are out of college: -1 point
$40K to $70K out of college and under 40 years old: 0 points
over $70K out of college and under 40 years old: +1 point
under $40K and you are college age or younger: 0 points
$40K to $55K and over 40 years old: -1 point
$55K to $90K and over 40 years old: 0 points
over $90K and 40 to 55 years old: +1 point
over $200K (age irrelevant): +1 point
Over 100k = +1 point
7. Do you have a car?
No (under 21yo): 0 points
No (over 21yo): -1 point
Yes (under 21yo): +1 point
Yes (over 21yo): 0 points
No, but you have a motorcycle (age irrelevant): +1 point
Yes = 0 points
8. Are you good-looking?
(Self-assessment is somewhat unreliable, so if you are uncertain of your looks post your pic on hotornot and wait a week for your score. Or get opinions from unbiased and blunt friends. Hashing out the biometric details of what makes a male face attractive would require another lengthy post, so for now these two methods are acceptable substitutes.)
On a 1 – 10 scale:
0 – 4: -1 point
5 – 7: 0 points
8 – 10: +1 point
I prescribe to the "if you're not good-looking, you're ugly" = -1 point
9. Have you ever played a leading role in a team sport?
No: 0 points
Yes: +1 point
Yes = +1 point
10. What is your occupation?
(Since I won’t list every single high status job in the Department of Labor’s Occupational Handbook, you’ll have to make a judgment call on your own job. It’s a safe assumption that most people know a high status job when they see it.)
High status (doctor, lawyer, stockbroker, executive, professor, business owner, successful artist or musician or writer, professional athlete, etc.): +1 point
Neutral status (engineer, programmer, accountant, salesman, mid level manager, scientist, military officer, well-paid tradesman, etc.): 0 points
Low status (low paid blue collar, admin, construction, janitor, struggling web designer, help desk, etc.): -1 point
Business owner, keep that quiet though = 0 points
11. How many friends do you have?
0 to 3: -1 point
4 to 20: 0 points
over 20: +1 point
Over 20 = +1 point
12. How many friends have you met through the internet that you have never seen in person?
0 to 2: 0 points
over 2: -1 point
Over 2 = -1 point
13. When was the last time you went to a house party?
Within the past month: +1 point
Between one month and one year ago: 0 points
Over one year ago: -1 point
Two weeks ago = +1 point
14. Have people besides your family called you funny?
None: -1 point
A few have: 0 points
Nearly everyone who knows me: +1 point
Many, many = +1 point
15. What is your IQ?
Under 85: -1 point
85 to 110: 0 points
110 to 130: +1 point
130 to 145: 0 points
over 145: -1 point
110 to 130 = +1 point
16. At a party, which happens first – you approach someone or someone approaches you?
I approach someone first almost every time: +1 point
I occasionally approach first: 0 points
Someone normally approaches me first: -1 point
I approach = +1 point
17. Have you ever been in a serious fight where real punches were thrown and you felt like you wanted to kill your opponent(s)?
No: 0 points
Yes: +1 point
Yes, with a girl: -1 point
Yes = +1 point
18. Have you ever been arrested?
No: 0 points
Yes: +1 point
Yes, for child pornography or public exposure: -1 point
Yes = +1 point
****
It’s best to answer the following four questions based on your past experience with similar scenarios. Who we really are is not what we wish we were but what we have always been.
19. You are on a second date with a girl. You go to kiss her. She turns her cheek to you and says “Slow down, I’m not that kind of girl.” You reply:
(A) ”Sorry.”
(B) “Yeah, well, no prob.”
(C) ”This could be trouble ’cause I’m that kind of guy.” *smirk*
If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.
C = +1 point - though I let them know beforehand that I'm that type of guy
20. You’re chatting up a pretty girl you just met in a bar. After a few minutes she asks you to buy her a drink. You reply:
(A) “Sure.”
(B) “I’m not an ATM.”
(C) “No, but you can buy me one.”
If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.
C = +1 point
21. You’ve just met a cute girl in a club and have been talking with her for five minutes when she abruptly changes the topic to a raunchy conversation about her multiorgasmic ability. You respond with:
(A) a huge grin and an eager “Damn! That is HOT!”
(B) a look of mild disdain.
(C) a raised eyebrow while saying “Hey, thanks for the medical report.”
If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.
C = +1 point - and I know that she's DTF
22. The pickup has been going well. Later in the night she leans in and begins making out with you passionately. You feel like a king and your jeans suddenly feel much tighter. Do you:
(A) immediately grope her boob in return.
(B) continue making out with her for as long as she wishes.
(C) kiss for a little bit then push her gently away and look distracted for a second.
If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.
C = +1 point
And finally, the critical thinking portion of the quiz. The following questions are based on the progression of a single pickup attempt.
23. You go to a bar. Twenty feet away are a pretty girl, a fat girl, and an average guy talking amongst themselves. The pretty girl briefly eye flirts with you. In reponse, you:
(A) eye flirt back and forth a few times before approaching 20 minutes later.
(B) immediately approach in a direct fashion maintaining strong eye contact with your target.
(C) immediately approach but from an indirect angle, looking around the room distractedly on the way over to your target as if you might see an even prettier girl somewhere else, and finally delivering your opener from over your shoulder.
(A): -1 point
(B): 0 points
(C): +1 point
C = +1 point
24. Who do you address first?
(A) the pretty girl.
(B) the fat girl.
(C) everyone.
(A): -1 point
(B): 0 points
(C): +1 point
C = +1 point
25. After getting the whole group engaged in conversation and having a good time, your target blurts out “Hey nice pink shirt! Are you gay?” You:
(A) say “No, I’m not gay!”
(B) ignore her.
(C) say “OK, who brought their little sister to the bar!”
(A): -1 point
(B): 0 points
(C): +1 point
C = +1 point - plus I know that she wants me
26. In the middle of the conversation you have to pee. You say:
(A) “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
(B) “Excuse me.”
(C) nothing. Just go.
(A): -1 point
(B): 0 points
(C): +1 point
C = +1 - I don't need their permission to go pee
27. You’ve managed to get her outside your front door. There is obvious sexual tension. You want to close this deal. You say:
(A) “So, um, ah, see you around.”
(B) “Why don’t you come inside?”
(C) “I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go inside and taste DC’s finest tap water. But you can only stay for a minute, I have to get up early.”
(A): -1 point
(B): 0 points
(C): +1 point
B = 0 point - but she was already DTF anyway
****
SCORES
There are 26 points to earn or lose based on the questions asked. The scoring breaks down as follows:
-26: Why are you still alive?
-25 to -20: You’re an omega. Celibacy has its charms.
-19 to -15: You actively repulse girls. Your kind will usher forth the sexbot revolution.
-14 to -10: You’re always getted foisted onto the warpigs.
-9 to 0: Lesser beta. You don’t immediately disgust girls; they just don’t notice you. With much painful effort you can redeem yourself.
1 to 9: Classic beta. You catch some girls’ eyes, usually the ones you don’t want. Try not to make fatty fucking a lifestyle.
10 to 14: A few attractive girls in the bar will be intrigued by your presence. But you need game to close the deal.
15 to 19: Congrats, you have crossed the alpha Rubicon. A lot of cute girls will be pleased when you hit on them. But you can still fuck up by being yourself.
20 to 25: You’re a natural. Many hot girls check you out and forgive your occasional pickup blunders. You always have a look of sexual satisfaction on your face.
26: Super Alpha. Booty sticks to you like bird shit on car roofs.
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