Mr Cunt

So I'm sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, it's been 2-and-a-bit days of wet-wet-wet in New Zealand. Fuckin' cyclone come through, severe weather warning in central North Island and up, et-fucking-cetera. Blowing fucking gale winds in Whangarei, Auckland, Coromandel, shit like that.

I hate sudden weather-changes. Triggers migraines, every fucking time.

Plus right now, everything feels sticky-damp from the 60+% humidity.

What the fuck, may as well do something I've been too lazy to do for a while. Rest of the day is shot anyway, between feeling like my head is fucking hollow and something is rattling around in there when I shake it.

Fucking HATE that.

So I've been meaning for yonks to put together a home webserver and git repository. On the whole it's generally piss-easy stuff to do, and it'd make some home stuff easier to deal with too. Plus I've got three crappy old PCs floating around, might as well make use of 'em ay.

So the specs: IBM Aptiva 486, floppy, cdrom, a fuckin' hardware enclosure that holds the HD and is swappable, crap PCI network card running at 100 megabit.

Of course, it all goes to poo. Typical hindsight situation of: "you know this shit, why didn't you check?" In this case, the hardware was incompatible with a certain version of debian linux, 7.1 to be exact.

Hey ho, fuck it, get the latest version - netinstall - burn to CD in WinCrap. Partway through install, cannot read from CD.

Fucking typical. The old story: you burned the cunt too fast to CD. Burn it slower, motherfucker.

Where do you burn it slower? No option in WinCrap, it's automagically set to "burn at insane cunt speed and tough shit if it doesn't work in any drive let alone an older drive". Which is why I don't bother burning audio CDs these days, same shit different day. Plus MP3's in a USB work better in my car stereo.

Down comes gburner, install the 30-day motherfucker, burn at a sensible 16x. Hooray, things now fucking install. (When it comes to audio CD's, don't try burning at anything faster than 8x - it won't work well in your stereo - 4x was better and good luck finding some software and hardware that'll burn that slowly these days.)

So anyway, while I've been doing this (and waiting for apt to download the repositories, fucking slow third-world cunt of a country that I live in with crap interwebs that's cutting out because the fuckin' rain has gotten into the copper somewhere between here-and-motherfuck-land-ISP) I can't help but think about a particular stupid cunt at work. In fact, that stupid cunt is pretty much what triggered my last post, which post included when businesses fuck you over as a worker and you stop giving a shit about getting it done right, et-fucking-cetera.

You know, where your effectiveness suddenly drops from 60% to 30% - on a good fucking day.

Normally I try to be anonymous with the things I tell about. This one, I have to be a bit more specific or it makes not so much sense. So be it. I doubt if Mister Cunt is reading this blog. Most people have their own stuff in life to deal with, rather'n this crap-end of nowhere wastelands that is the manosphere.

Now this cunt, he's got a death-grip on the network. No documentation, never puts anything in writing, it's all in his head. Or maybe it's on his fucking laptop, because I can't for the life of me figure how the fuck he'd keep everything in his head - I can't remember what I did yesterday, let alone last Tuesday, even if I can occasionally pull a 10-year-old password outta my ass and have it work, or type commands into a German version of MS-DOS 6.11 to get something working right.

Crazy what you can and can't remember.

Because of this I've stayed as far away from this cunt and his dealings as humanly possible. I've stayed away from the network stuff because even though I've got CISCO experience etc, without the information in that cunt's head, I'd be a disaster waiting to happen. Not doing that. You don't pay me enough.

Even so, I can diagnose simple shit like something is wrong with this cunt of a server, it's pinging only half the ip-addresses in a given network range - and that's the range the fucking server is in. Seen this before, first I'll do a reload of the TCP/IP stack to be sure, no joy, please go check the fuckin' trunking on the ports in the switch going into that server.

Yep, that's the issue - thanks for finding it before we had to do a failover to server-room-B so we can do work in server-room-A. No problem, please check the fuckin' lot, just in case. Yep, they're *all* good now, that was the only one. This guy's a good cunt to work with, unfortunately got screwed over by a couple of exes, no idea what his current cum-bucket is doing to his life.

So Mister Fucking Death-Grip On The Network Cunt goes on holiday between Christmas and New Year's. You've heard this fuckin' story before.

*BAM* Network issues in a location on the South Island. I'm the one who gets called in, of course, since they know that I have a millionth of a fuckin' clue about networks.

So where's the network documentation? It ain't in the section of our documentation marked "networking". No-fucking-where, even though the place has been up and running for over a year. Mr Cunt has it in his head, and of course he's not answering the phone. So I'm going through what little documentation there is, on suppliers and network engineers and et-fucking-cetera, Many many millions upon millions of dollars a week going through the place and no documentation, fucking criminal ay, the Board of Directors would have a fucking fit now that their fucking ass is on the line for negligence.

At the end of it we have to get in contact with someone in the South Island who is also on holiday, but is willing to fuck himself and his family over for us for half a day. Poor bastard. He goes in and fixes it, morning gone. This guy is a true pro, pleasure to work with, I get him to take pictures and send them to me, you're a lifesaver mate. Put together some pathetic documentation from what information we have, send a crappy helpdesk message.

Sudden unexplained network glitch. Millions of dollars of machinery with their thumbs up their ass until we can restart things. A simple 10 minute job, but fuck, why'd this happen? Crappy helpdesk message - as much use as tissue over a broken window in a howling rainstorm, but fuck, you got to at least try to do the job right. Especially good to let management know that we've got our dick in the hole in the dike wall, so to speak.

Sudden unexplained network glitch part deux. Cue the above. So out goes another query to the helpdesk, regarding Mr Cunt's wonderful freebie network tools that he hasn't told anyone how to use or given passwords for et-fucking-cetera. Can they tell us the source of the aforesaid two network glitches at so-and-so hour, minute, second, which caused a winsock error so-and-so, this lot dragged out of the application's logs because Windows has shit network reporting if not set up to do it.

Mr Cunt: Did the network revert?

Me: It's not an issue of did the network revert. It's an issue of what caused the glitch in the first place. (Insert many spoken fucking swear-words that were not written.)

Mr Cunt: What was the Windows log error at the time?

Me: There was none, what we have is from the application's internal logging. It states winsock fucking error so-and-so at x day/hour/minute/second, which is code for a fucking TCP/IP error, which is a fucking network error, which is the application saying that it can't fucking find fucking server so-and-so on the crap core fucking network - now I'm going to shit my guts and die. (Remove all instances of "crap", "fucking" and "shit my guts", though they were certainly spoken out loud.)

Mr Cunt is understandably silent after that little salvo, especially given that everything of this, all, has gone to all-and-sundry in the IT department plus management.

By this point I'm in the "I don't give a flying fuck if I have a job" state because if the Directors knew what Mr Cunt was doing - why, they'd be shitting their pants at 1,000+ kph.

South Island goes down again.

This time the memo to the helpdesk includes fucking demands for passwords so that we can look at the guts of the switch, port statistics, etc - never mind that we're not CISCO motherfuckers, we want that info NOW. Yeah, there's two others of us who've had exposure to CISCO plus me whose done the hard yards courses and some experience on it. None of us are stupid, we've all got fucking brains and been exposed to this shit.

It doesn't take much to signin and check the stats and do:

show interfaces
show interfaces f0/0
enable secret
int f0/0
shutdown
no shutdown
copy running-config startup-config

The last just to be fucking sure that Mr Cunt isn't one of those stupid bastard purists who thinks that by keeping the config only in memory - not writing it to flash - you can prevent some motherfucker who gets physical access to the switch from switching it off and booting up, bypassing via console the boot sequence and load, getting in that way to an open switch, and reading and changing all the oh-so-secret settings. Never mind that a 4-hour power outage would fuck things just as thoroughly and is a shitload more likely, given this is a customs-controlled area with security and shit and only a pussy maggot UPS keeping power to that switch.

Mr Cunt signs in remotely, while on holiday, fixes it (probably via the above sequence), then sends a breezy email that states "all fixed, don't worry about it".

Which pisses me off fucking royally. So I send out a snarky email asking for information and documentation of what he did and how we can do it, "we" as in the person who is on-call over the long weekend - or if he, Mr Cunt himself, is going to be available 24/7 over his four-day holiday weekend of New Years, plus his holiday in the next week, in the case of if/when this motherfucker goes down again. Including management in this email - which fuck knows isn't much good, 90% of those motherfuckers being on holiday also.

Mr Cunt is again silent. Call that dumb insolence, ay.

Which is all good by me. Management has the rarking on their books. Mr Cunt wants to be Mr Stupid Cunt as well, that's on his head. You don't pay me enough to deal with your cuntisms.

I've often wondered what the fuck Mr Cunt is on, medication-wise, legal or fucking illegal. Otherwise, how the fuck can he work from 9am to 2am and be back in the office at 9am again. And do weekends. And be making himself available when on holiday, all happy-dappy and shit about it.

In person he's a bouncy little motherfucker, always happy and cheery and smiling - reminds me of a fuckin' politician I saw once. I've literally seen him jump up and down with joy like a fucking teenager. Fucking teenage girl bouncing. Fucking crazy, creepy shit for a grown man in his fourties to do that.

Let him do his politicking. Let him kiss ass and suck cock. He's management's darling, our asses are covered. Publicly.

The next few weeks will be interesting - in a not-so-good way. Fucking Chinese curse, may you live in interesting fucking times...

And now I've been four hours in front of this fucking computer, and apt-get is still downloading and installing the basic operating system. Debian 7.1 won't fucking install, kernel panic out the wazoo, Debian 8.2 has the occasional shit-fit at the network glitches with the crappy ISP and their crappy copper wiring with the water through it, but it fucking installs.

I think it's time for some food'n'shit. Maybe I'll go play with CHDK on my crappy old Canon, see if I can get it set up for catching lightning. That'd be a cool little hobby project to fill my time. Will see if I can get the long exposures running also, get some star trails without crappy pixel noise from thermal overheating ruining everything. That'd be interesting too.

Rant done.