I Already Have...

I already have a cook (when I can't be arsed cooking for myself).

I already have a dishwasher.

I already have a washing machine.

I already have a dryer.

I already have a vacuum.

I already have a duster.

I already have a bed warmer.

I already have a good friend.

I already have a source of entertainment.

I already have a project of my own (multiple, actually).

I already have a goal of my own (multiple, actually).

I already have a car.

I already have a home.

I already have a career.

I already have a lifestyle.

I already have a mother for my children (if I want children - I can just pay for them).

What don't I have?

I can only think of one thing.

Someone beautiful and pleasant who is relaxed and content to drift off to sleep with her head on my chest after a couple hours of raunchy and exhausting sex.

Do you offer that? Is that all you have?

That's not much return for the price of a marriage, wedding, ring (expensive) and listening to endless lamentations about perceived slights and minor niggles in your life of ease and luxury (wearying). When you get bored, I then have to split half of what I've earned and built up over my entire life with you - so you can then go and "explore" and "find" yourself - and the next victim of your needy, greedy, predatory instincts.

Tell you what. Let's just try it for a year, see how I feel. After all, I might find a better model.

In fact, I'm betting on it.