Delusional

I once harbored the delusional belief that I would meet "the right people" in bars.

The Manosphere is rife with the same belief, in their search for genuinely high quality women in bars.

It took me about 3 months to realize that something was very wrong with my belief. I kept checking it out though. In 6 months I was getting pretty sure that my idea of finding a woman there was crap. In 9 months the delusion was pretty-much gone, and finally - after about 12 months - it was entirely wiped away.

Then I was directed into the Manosphere.

There I found that everybody still holds that delusion. At least, in the PUA arena - in which young and good-looking = high quality.

Now, I thought I'd end up going down the PUA track. Hell, I even tried, and had some success with it.

But I just couldn't get past the insanity.

I couldn't delude myself any more.

I couldn't get past the smell of shit - the rotten attitude - no matter how young and good-looking the girl.

Do I bother too much now?

No.
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The girl I'm currently with is no stunner. In fact, I tend to avoid stunners like the plague. Can't get past the smell of shit. Absolutely will not tolerate it.

My way or the highway. You smell of shit, you don't even make it to the "my way" and go straight to the "highway".

Heading in to Christmas time. Uncharitable thoughts.

My current girl knows the my way/highway. She pushes, in minor ways, occasionally. She knows, one middling or major slip-up and she's done. Without remorse.

It's been getting on to a year. A very stressful one for me.

She's making the bid for something more.

I'm not getting married again.

"I love you." At least she didn't trot that out too soon.

I find myself not that enthused.